Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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