dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
