I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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