They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
