You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
