i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
