Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
