So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
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Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?