I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
