Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The adults are the big ones right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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