Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also, beer. Big fan.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
