My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
