Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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