God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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