Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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