wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
