I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
