I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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