Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
