Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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