yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
