Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
