some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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