Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
