I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
