Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
