Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
