he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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