Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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