there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
