I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
