she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
