You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
