I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
