JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
