he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
