It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
