Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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