Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
