Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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