every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
