Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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