He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
