he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
