Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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