I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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