So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize