What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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