butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
