I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
