I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
