yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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