i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
