I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize