Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
