I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
